Yesterday, was rough for me. I had trouble concentrating on anything, but work and when I wasn’t working I felt my reserve slowly crumbling. It was of course, the first Father’s Day without my dad. A couple of times in the morning, I thought “I need to call dad and wish him a happy Father’s Day and tell him I love him” and then remembered. But I did okay until I saw my nephew’s post to social media about it.
And so, I spent the majority of the day working. Writing forces me to use a very large portion of my brain. I never just see words, in my head I see a movie playing out as I compose my books. It is the most thoroughly engaging thing I do, making it ideal for avoiding thinking of things that make me sad or fill me with regrets.
However, this does mean I got quite a bit done on Innocent Dreams. More than I expected to get done this weekend at any rate. I admit, I think J felt a bit ignored. My desire to do things like watch TV and movies was zero. They don’t allow my thoughts to be consumed the way a book does and I knew while watching them, my thoughts would frequently stray to the loss of my father.
This is one of the differences between J and I. He can turn off his brain while he watches TV and I can’t. For my brain to shut down, I must have my imagination busy and there is little to engage the imagination while watching TV as all the visuals are given to you.
Therefore, I worked except for meal times.
