Was I surprised to find out I was a psychopath? No. Both of my parents were. My mother was a forensic scientist who specialized in identifying explosives and their makers. Which is how she met my dad. He was working for New Scotland Yard in their explosives division. My mom found links between a bomb that had been detonated in Boston and a bomb that they had found intact in London. They shared common interests and began a long distance relationship. He moved to the US with her when she got pregnant with me. He went to work with the FBI’s bomb squad. They used to joke that he blew up the bombs and then gave them to my mom to identify the makers. Which is funny right up until you realize they died in an explosion.
I was thirteen. The IRA was making life miserable in the UK. There had been multiple explosions over the course of a couple of weeks. Oh wait… I forgot something important.
My father was Irish. He used to tell me he understood the cause, but disagreed with the methods of the IRA, whom he called blood thirsty volunteer victims. For this, he was branded a traitor by the IRA. Add to it that he’d moved to London and become a police officer and then married an American woman who was not Irish and well, it was messy. Because of this, I have almost no connections with my extended family on my father’s side. My mom was an only child. I was not close to my uncle and my father wasn’t close with his brother, but my aunt Melina, always told my parents we needed each other and she always made a place for my family and me. My mother encouraged the connection, even when my father didn’t. He had no use for his brother, not that I blame him. It seems no one really had much use for my brother, not even his children.
And so, my parents went to London in the late 1980s to give a talk about a new bomb they’d found in the US. It involved mercury or some other special thing that made it unique. There was a bomb outside their hotel. My dad was killed instantly. My mom was severely injured. She lost a leg and a hand in the blast. She came back and lived for another year after my dad died. But she had a sore on her other leg that just refused to heal. Something to do with shrapnel in it or something. I didn’t quite understand it then and I’m not sure I get it 30 years later. They did surgery on that leg four times to remove the shrapnel and never could. Eventually, it became infected and within forty-eight hours, it had moved to her blood, she became septic, and died in a matter of days.
No one is ever prepared for that. No one ever thinks their parent is going to get sick and die suddenly. My mom’s mom finished raising me. My grandfather had died some years before of heart disease. I finished high school while living with my grandmother. Then I got a degree in criminal justice. I thought I’d go into law enforcement like my parents had been, but Melina talked me out of it. By then, my uncle was dead, Melina was rich and had no ties to me, but she called me every couple of days just to check on me. I didn’t understand at first why she didn’t want me to go into law enforcement and then I joined the academy. I completed my training and quit the department, because she was correct. My uncle had been a bigger bastard than any of us realized and he was not well liked in the department. Ivan had struggled as a patrolman and had to prove himself worthy of the uniform. My being female made that even more difficult for me and I couldn’t have Ivan standing up for me all the time, which is his natural instinct. When I quit, Melina encouraged me to get my PI license. Alex had one already and was setting up her own company. The state of Missouri requires 2 years of practical work in the field as well as passing their exams. So I went to work as an apprentice for Alex. The short of it being, I got my private investigator license after a couple of years of working for Alex and then Nadine setup Daniels’ Security.
Now, what was the point? Oh yes. My parents told me when I was young, I’d have to make a choice on whether I wanted to be a good guy or a bad guy, but they would prefer me be a good guy. They raised me to want to be a good guy. And when I was at my angriest after my dad’s death, mom kept reminding me that it was okay to be angry, I just needed to find the right outlet for it. I needed to channel that anger into something that would make a difference. After my mom passed away, it was Melina that took over telling me the best way to deal with my anger. It would be a while before I’d realize that she had raised two psychopathic sons and understood me. I wanted to be angry at her, but it didn’t help. She would just shrug it off and say I didn’t really mean it and I was just taking my anger out on her, as if she were a whipping boy. And when that would make me angrier, she’d just hug me. It’s amazing how effective a hug can be on a psychopath. I have since learned from Myrna Clachan that Donnelly used hugs to battle the dark and cold unfeeling inhumanity associated with psychopathology.
Nadine has joked we should make buttons that say “have you hugged your favorite psychopath today”, but we’re afraid people would want to hug Aislinn and she’d rip their hearts out because she is totally not the type of psychopath that hugs willingly. However, it was why I intended to leave the world without offspring. Then I got older and fate or the Universe decided to laugh at me.
But perhaps my life with Antony and our children are a different entry. Thankfully, I’ve had Melina, Telisa, and Myrna to help me out. It turns out psychopathic pregnant females are a whole different type of crazy. I can’t imagine Ace on hormone injections getting ready for the IVF harvest. I imagine she’ll be worse than I am. But again, another post perhaps. Having summed up my life so succinctly, is it any wonder I was married unsuccessfully five times? It doesn’t take Freud to realize that I was trying to replace my dead parents with a husband. Or that I was looking for happiness in someone else when I was incapable of being happy by myself. I fixed that and now I have Antony and he is amazing. I do love him and our children.