I mentioned my sister is insulated from the abyss the other day when I talked about how I became a monster. It’s hard to imagine and even harder to admit, but that cute little girl, was born more monster than me. I say cute little girl, because that’s how I still think of her. But, I know she’s an adult woman now nearly thirty-five years old. In my mind, she never grew beyond eight at the very most.
I used to think Callow killed that little girl, but that was just wishful thinking. That little girl never existed. Not the one in my memory. She was a phantom of what I wanted Aislinn to be, not what she really was. I took to calling her the Boogeyman to remind me of that, because even in my own brain, I continued to want to think of her as a little girl.
Don’t get me wrong, she is a boogeyman. Every bit of it. But even at six or seven, that little girl was the thing that crawled out of nightmares. Not the delicate, need to be protected beautiful little girl of my imagination. She never did anything scary, not really. I never woke up surrounded by knives like Ted Bundy’s sister/aunt did. She never threatened me or Isabelle or Nyleena.
I think Callow may have saved her. I know that’s crazy and probably sounds insane, but I really do think he saved her from herself. I’m sure that doesn’t make sense to you. But if Aislinn hadn’t been kidnapped by Callow, she would have become a serial killer. I’m not sure she isn’t, but at least now when she hunts prey, she does it with a badge making it legal even when she kills them.
I have always had questions about how Callow kidnapped her. In theory, he grabbed her, tied her hands and dragged her into his car, just two blocks from our house. Somehow, I’ve been asked to believe my sister didn’t fight back and didn’t scream. I don’t think so. And I don’t believe she could have been lured into his clutches. Which means only one thing; Aislinn in the space of milliseconds realized Callow was probably the serial killer our father had files on and decided to go with him. I think by the time she was locked in that little hidden room, she was plotting to kill him.
She wouldn’t admit to such a thing, but that seems a more plausible sequence of events than what we were told happened. I don’t even believe he could have overpowered her if she’d really not wanted to go with him. Even my psychopathic teenage self was no match for her physically at times, especially when she was angry. While everyone was shocked she killed him, I would have been more shocked if she hadn’t. Which is how Callow saved her from herself.
My father had been grooming her for police work to some degree, but he and I agreed she was taking to it like a cat takes to driving. Although, the SCTU isn’t exactly traditional police work. However, killing Callow put a lot of attention on her. She became the girl who survived a brutal child rapist and killer. People took notice. She was too smart not to realize that if she killed again and couldn’t justify it or completely cover it up, she’d be caught almost immediately because people had taken notice.
And then the psychopaths just kept coming. First it was Malachi. Then it was the guy that tried to carjack her and Isabelle at a Wal-Mart in the middle of the night. Then it was Malachi’s stepfather. Then it was the killer in college who followed her home in Michigan. And then the rapist in Seattle. I used to believe she killed four of them. Because I used to believe she killed Malachi’s stepfather. He did just sort of disappear in the middle of the night after he’d beaten the crap out of Malachi. Oddly, she thinks it was me. I would have continued to think it was her if it weren’t for a conversation I had with Patterson during his short time in The Fortress. Patterson doesn’t bother to try to control his demons, he just makes deals with them. Patterson told me he got a call in the middle of that night, because my mom needed help with a body.
My mom isn’t a psychopath, but she is definitely a protective mother and Malachi was as much her child as any of us. I could see her killing for him. Despite the appearance of being prim, proper, and perfect, our mother has blood on her hands. But she kills for a purpose; to protect. It is the only thing that will induce such a reaction and I don’t believe most mothers could have stood by and watched what was happening to Malachi without doing something if they had the power and our mom does have that kind of power.
And then she called the serial killer in the family to help her deal with it. Our mother is resourceful if nothing else. But I had to ask him, “If mom had called and asked you to kill him would you have done it?” Patterson had nodded and then he said “if not me, then Jacob would have. But I think your mother felt she needed to handle the situation herself, and then found moving a dead body was more than she could manage alone.” Patterson did take the body and despite Aislinn’s claims the body was never found, it was, about a week later. Patterson staged it and it was written off as tragic and accidental
But confessions about our mother are for a different entry. This one is supposed to be about Aislinn, my little sister.
Unlike a lot of psychopaths, you can tell when the nothingness descends upon Aislinn. I used to think it was a failing. It took me being here to realize it’s because Aislinn never bothered to mask it. That’s what makes her scary. She can do it, I’ve seen her do it. But I also know that most of the time, she didn’t bother with it. That mask is a psychopath’s ticket into the world. It’s how they hide in plain sight. The fact that Aislinn didn’t care to hide, was what makes her scary. She’s gotten more dedicated to hiding it now that she’s around real people all the time, but as a kid, she never bothered because she didn’t care.
Not being able to hide it, is a symptom of being low functioning. But she could and just didn’t. It didn’t make sense to me. It didn’t make sense to our father either. And then, when she was about thirteen, I saw her turn that look on Malachi. It was cold, calculated, distant, and absolutely ruthless. In that moment, it dawned on me. It was her killer face.
Here’s a secret, most serial killers smile when they kill. It brings them happiness. I smiled as I took down the prisoners in the yard and I continued to smile even as I was arrested. But to my sister, death is mundane. And she feels no different about taking a life as anything else. Lucas told me that’s what has saved her. She doesn’t care if she kills or not. It quiets her rage, but so does stopping a serial killer. He says she is always easier to get along with for a few days after a capture; regardless of their life status. So, perhaps my assessment was correct. By being a monster, she has been prevented from becoming the monster I became.