Xavier and his ridiculous project. My lover was a psychopath, Xavier figured that out when he got the DNA back on Ivan and Devlin. Damn him. And since I’d had a string of psychopaths in my life, he requested I write entries for his vault.
I was in a loveless marriage and my children’s father was abusive. I had an on again, off again affair for about five years. I actually figured Nadine was his too, quite honestly. The five kids all look mostly like my side of the family, so no one has ever figured it out by looking at them.
I know, everyone wants to know who my lover was. I could give you the name of Ivan and Devlin’s father, but it wouldn’t mean anything to you. We worked together at the CIA. It wasn’t my supervisor, Harry Burns, but a junior intelligence officer and field agent, a spy. Think Jack Ryan without the constant protests that he’s just an analyst. He was a decent man, unmarried, unless you consider his work. We had considered running away together a few times, but I couldn’t leave my children with their abusive alcoholic father and he wasn’t sure his lifestyle was built for four children, Vladik hadn’t been born yet when he died.
He was captured by the Stasi sneaking out of the Deutsche Demokratische Republik and executed. He was there to meet with an informant regarding a change in Stasi protocols for Leipzig and Dresden. They were beefing up patrols in the area around the cities. It was 1984 and we’d begun to see cracks appear in the infrastructure and command of the DDR. It would take another five years, before it collapsed. But the signs were appearing including beefing up security and patrols around metropolitan areas as more and more East Germans were managing to sneak out to the West.
He himself looked fairly Russian, although in reality, his family was part of the great exodus from Germany in 1932. Here’s your history lesson, as soon as the Nazis took control of the chancellorship in 1932, Jews began to flee Germany. But it wasn’t just Jews. Non-Jewish Germans also fled. They were concerned about what was to come. Because even in 1930 and 1931, while the Nazi party seemed fair and balanced, many suspected them of having a racist agenda. It became so bad that Hitler actually attempted to shut down the borders in 1934. My family tells similar stories of what happened after Stalin came to power in 1924. And again, it includes Jews and non-Jewish Russians, although Stalin did decide to exile Jews rather than put them in concentration camps and murder them by the millions.
Just so you have a name, it was Clyde. Last name unnecessary, like most CIA field agents, once he was dead, he never existed beyond his family. My children do not know. I do not know how they will feel about it. I don’t know if they would condemn me for having an affair or not. It’s no secret all five of them hated my husband. I think my concern is more that they will feel less like siblings if they discover two of them are only half brothers, not full brothers.
It’s strange to be in my situation. I do not regret marrying the man I married, because of Liam, Nadine, and Vladik. But I do regret their childhoods and the abuse they suffered by him. Liam, as the oldest, remembers best and has spoken with me about the fact that when he was young, I used to give as good as my husband did. Ivan only remembers a few of those fights, but he’s two years younger than Liam and Liam got bigger than his father pretty fast, tall men run in my family, just generalized Russian tallness, not psychopathic giantism. My own father is six feet, six inches.
The nicest thing about Xavier’s research is, that I know Liam and Devlin, got their psychopathic activation gene from me. As for the other 92 genes, Ivan carries the most of all my children at 85. I don’t carry 85 of them, I only carry about 60. Devlin also carries more than me. I believe their father was a high functioning psychopath, a large number of CIA field operatives are; look at Myrna’s brother.
Maybe one day, I will be brave enough to tell them the truth, all of it. That day is not today, my hands have shook as I wrote these words and I have worried one of them might walk in and accidentally see what I’m working on, even though I’m not at home as I write these words, I’m at Myrna’s. But Ivan and his children can often be found in the Clachan/Cain home. I think my son has a crush on Aislinn Cain and if not a crush, then an admiration for her. He enjoys working with her and the SCTU a great deal, if he didn’t have a litter of children, I believe he’d join the SCTU himself. But having a half dozen children and being a hunter of serial killers is not a good idea.