I’m almost back to normal. But I recently had a conversation with a reader that made me realize, people still don’t understand asexuality. Even in the case of my lovely, kick ass, and fictional Aislinn Cain. Sorry, folks, her and Malachi really aren’t ever going to hook up. Ace is a little extreme in the asexual grand scheme of things, because she has no romantic attachments…. at least, not any that are blatantly obvious. She doesn’t date, doesn’t understand why Caleb would want to date her. And she is not sexually attracted to ANYTHING.
Let that sink in. It’s not a mental illness and it’s not a physical problem (although she often plays it off that way – as truly asexual people tend to do to seem more normal). She is literally not sexually attracted to ANYONE or ANYTHING. One of the things, I did in Buried Dreams was to admit that being asexual isn’t like being celibate, it’s not a choice or a “lifestyle decision.” Her being asexual is no different than Lucas being homosexual or Xavier being heterosexual. She even comes straight out and says “I was born asexual, just like I was born with hazel eyes.”
However, as a lot of asexual and graysexual people do, she does have “romantic-like” attachments. I have often felt that Lucas is emotionally cheating on Trevor with Ace -another thing that will come out in Buried Dreams (there’s a great deal of sexual sadism, rape, and other horrible things in Buried Dreams and so the issues of conventional, regular sex among consenting adults – particularly among the members of the SCTU – had to be tackled as well). Ace may not want to sleep with Lucas, but they do share a level of intimacy I would associate with romantic partners, even though their relationship isn’t physical or sexual.
And Lucas is the perfect partner for Ace in her desire for at least a little intimacy (as a psychopath, she has less than most asexuals). Because nothing she can or will ever do will make Lucas sexually attracted to her. Because like Ace, his sexuality is not heterosexual, making Ace totally not his type.
One reader has picked up on something important that I’ll share here. Her problem with Caleb is that she knows his feelings. Much like she knows Malachi’s feelings. And while I assure you the two men look at her quite differently, Ace is constantly walking a tightrope, especially with Caleb. She likes Caleb. She could see an intimacy forming between them, but she also knows that he would NEVER be happy with the type of intimacy Ace can provide. He is a sexual being. Malachi is a hypersexual being and if you haven’t already figured it, he’s tried to rape one of her friends already. Ace doesn’t doubt that if he thought he could get away with it, he’d try it with her. Hence, her tendency to Taser him to keep him toeing the line.
However, as I draw closer to the end of Buried Dreams, I realize more and more how little I have dealt with Ace’s asexuality, beyond just announcing it. And there have been plenty of readers who have come to me with some sneaky ways in which a coupling of Ace and Malachi might work out. I always try to shoot them down nicely, because the truth is, the intimacy they experience now, is as close to coupling as they will get and… well, we’ve all seen it. It is based on their mutual sadism. And on Malachi’s part, he’s enjoyment of masochism.
Which is actually perfect for both of them. Ace can be as mean as she wants to Malachi; physically and emotionally. And Malachi will still think the sun shines out her ass, because Malachi wants to be abused. He does prefer it when the abuse is mutual, but he’ll take what he can get; and no one can hurt him like she can. Needless to say, the Ace/Malachi relationship is not healthy. I have often thought that if I hadn’t decided that Ace was asexual, they would be a sadistic serial killing couple, instead of hunting the killers.
Back on point: There is nothing sexually wrong with Ace. She says there is. She often blames her lack of interest in sex on the fact that it smells and she can smell it. Or on her inability to understand the desire to exchange bodily fluids. But at the end of the day, her excuses are excuses. They require less explanation than “I’m just not sexually attracted to anyone.” And they don’t elicit the “You just haven’t met the right person yet,” responses that so many asexual people hear.
And I gave Aislinn a support network for it. Although, sometimes I feel Myrna doesn’t totally understand… and that’s okay. Because even though Myrna doesn’t “understand it” she accepts it. The prospect of grandchildren from Ace was never more important to Myrna than Ace being happy-ish with Ace’s life and who she is. Plus, Ace has Lucas and Trevor, who do get it (especially Trevor). And Xavier who doesn’t get it, but doesn’t feel he can make judgments about Ace’s sexuality – his best friend is married to Trevor. and they’re both men. Buried Dreams will also finally reveal the Trevor connection to the SCTU beyond just being Lucas’ man, because there is one… and it’s a doozy.
And to be clear; Ace is totally and completely asexual. She is not graysexual (sometimes sexually attracted to someone under certain circumstances and most of the time not), nor is she demisexual (where a strong emotional connection is required to create sexual attraction). If Caleb were to suggest a Netflix and Chill night to Ace and she accepted; he’d literally be stuck on her couch with a few feet between them, watching Netflix for the entire night.
Finally, to gross everyone out, Lucas isn’t Ace’s only romantic-like partner. It’s a role that’s been filled by Nyleena for most of Ace’s life. Hence, her struggle when Nyleena pulled away after finding out they were actually sisters and life was ultra-complicated in the Clachan clan. Ace was essentially “dumped” and even for a psychopath that’s tough to deal with.