I’m having nightmares every night. They are getting so bad, that I’m avoiding going to sleep at night or during the day. One’s first instinct is to tell me to cut back on my diet of horror movies. But they aren’t those kinds of nightmares. I think they are contributing to my migraine from Hell.
All of my nightmares revolve around a reaction to the electrical spinal stimulator that we test in December (maybe, I’m not sure what the psych evaluation is for, but I kind of think with these concerns and nightmares, I might not pass it). In one nightmare, they insert the test and it goes fine, so we move on to the real one. It gets inserted and three weeks or there about later, I wake up one morning completely paralyzed, because the electrodes have caused massive amounts of infection to form between the sheath and spinal column and the weight of the pus paralyzes me from the mid-section down. Same premise, slightly different nightmare, I get up one day and go to put on clothes only to find my shirt doesn’t fit. My mom inspects my back and notices massive swelling along my spine. We rush me to the ER and they tell me it’s the opiates. Then when I spike a fever, they finally admit me and the following morning have to do emergency surgery to relieve the pressure the infection has caused along my spinal cord… but they don’t use Ketamine and I end up getting CRPS in my entire spinal column. Then after they’ve increased my pain and spread my disease, they take me off the opiates, the only thing that has ever even remotely assisted with my pain.
On rare occasions, in my nightmares, I go to sleep and during the night, I wake up with my throat swollen and no epi pen… none of my allergies warrant an epi pen, but I DON’T PUT METAL IN MY BODY… except the silver amalgam filling. But let me tell you a secret about that filling; my dentist custom made it. It is composed of tin (standard), silver (standard), aluminum (not standard) and mercury (standard), he left out the nickel and copper… he told me so all those decades ago when he put it in, because they were metals I knew I reacted to. The four listed in my filling are the weakest magnetic ability of metals. Even titanium and niobium, both of which are touted as non-magnetic are more magnetic.
So, I’m not sleeping well. Lack of sleep night after night (even a few panic attacks at night have occurred), and tada: MIGRAINE FROM HELL. I don’t even sleep “well” when I nap. My psych eval is October 30th. As I understand it, it is the psychiatrist that will make the final determination on whether I can or cannot do the e-stim. I don’t really know what to expect from this eval. I mean I saw a psychiatrist for years for my anxiety and I like them as a general rule (if I like her, maybe she’ll take me on as a patient for my anxiety….). But it’s “another doctor”. I know that sounds weird and a bit combatitive right out the gate, even before I’ve met her… but I’ve had a lot of doctor’s the past two years… The first pain management with the terrible nurse practitioner. The rheumatologist that ruled out everything but CRPS. The rheumatologist who gave a second opinion and agreed with rheumatologist one. The second pain management doctor that scared the shit out of me by telling me all I could do was live with it because he didn’t believe in prescribing addictive medications, including but not limited to, muscle relaxers. Then came Dr. Wonderful. I liked him. He had me do another rheumatology consult and rheumatologist 3 agreed with 1 & 2, it had to be CRPS. Then there was The Expert who said he couldn’t take me on as a patient, even though he’d offered a consult, because he was at his prescribing limit on opiates for the state because he was the EXPERT in CRPS for the state. Now, Dr. Smart. I like Dr. Smart as much as I liked Dr. Wonderful… oh wait, there was a psychiatrist I missed who was supposed to teach me coping methods for my anxiety and pain and spent four sessions telling me what I really needed was a different psychiatrist – one equipped to deal with chronic pain issues and anxiety. Now, this one…