Here’s your reminder, tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Everyone already knows I think I have the world’s greatest mom. I got double lucky in that department because my mother-in-law is pretty awesome too. Someone asked me a very odd question the other day about “Mother’s Day”.. they asked “aren’t you sad you’ll never get to celebrate it where you’re the lucky mom?” Um, nope. So this question has some backstory. Beyond, “I don’t want kids.”
Early in the week one of my old high school classmates began whining on social media. Her 15 year old daughter had come home from school and told her she was never having kids. Most people were posting the usual “she’s 15, she’ll grow out of it”… and blah, blah. After watching silently for a few days, I sent the person a private message. Because realistically, she may not “grow out of it” the decision to have or not have kids isn’t a pair of shoes. I’ve seen plenty of people have kids and realize later that kids weren’t actually in their plans, they had just never really thought about it, because “everyone has kids, it’s what you do.”
The former classmate got upset with me, because I asked her “would it really be the end of the world for you if your daughter decided to not have kids?” She spent several long private messages explaining to me that having kids was natural. I pointed out that I knew plenty of people that didn’t have or want kids, including myself and my husband. Her response was that men never really want kids until they have them and I was always a bit odd.
So, I agree with the last part, I always was a bit odd. But she went on to tell me that the only reason anyone ever agreed to have kids was so that they could have grandchildren and that J and I were probably breaking our parents’ hearts by not having grandchildren they can spoil. I know we aren’t. But surely, if you have kids it’s because you want kids not so they can give you grandchildren at some later date. Furthermore, some people just weren’t meant to have kids. I’m not talking about people with infertility issues, I’m talking about people like J and myself.
J and I are not parent material. I love my nephews and nieces and their offspring, but I don’t need to spend copious amounts of time with them. And at least with the 20-somethings, I don’t have to wipe any noses, or monitor them in the bathroom to make sure they aren’t spraying the floor, walls, and ceilings. The truth is, outside my family, I don’t even like kids…
And unfortunately, for my former classmate, I think having kids is a decision a person should be sure about before they do it. I know plenty of people who have accidentally had kids and turned out to love being parents, but I know several that have gone the other way with it too.
On Thursday, my former classmate announced she was going to put her daughter in therapy to figure out what was wrong with her that she didn’t want kids. So I decided I was done with the situation. And then on Friday, I got that question. So I told her the truth: Realizing I didn’t want kids was the best thing I ever did for myself, my parents, and any poor unfortunate offspring that might have arrived on the scene. I would be a terrible mother, my kids would probably know I didn’t want them, and they probably would have been taken away from me.
Now, tell your mom you love her.