Disgrace and Ruin

For the last year or so, I’ve been following the blog of a guy with a doctorate in history that I find funny.  His wife also has a doctorate, but not in the same area. Lately, he’s posted quite a few articles regarding weight and age, as both he and his wife are passing the 45 mark and he has talked about struggling with his weight now that his hormones are changing.

The other day he titled a post What Else Has She Been Hiding.  I expected it to be history related and it was about his wife.  They haven’t hit the 20 year mark, but it’s close.  Whenever he talks about her, he mentions she’s his best friend and has been the love of his life since they met.  Sometimes it gets a little sappy and I have slog through it, but the title and subject definitely caught my attention.

No sappiness in the post.  He was asking “advice” of his readers, apparently he recently caught her in the bathroom and when he walked in, she hid something behind her back.  I expected it to be a phone.  It was a razor.  He was upset because she has been shaving a mustache, probably since the day they met and he just doesn’t think he can trust her now.

As I read, I thought it was a joke.  This is the kind of reaction you have when you find out your wife is sending nudes to a 25 year old with rippling muscles.  So I commented that he might want to stick a smiley face somewhere, because the sarcasm hadn’t gotten lost in digital translation.  He responds he wasn’t being sarcastic, it is a huge deal.

Um, uh, what?  So I said well you’re both getting older, it’s not uncommon for women nearing or entering menopause/peri-menopause to develop a bit of peach fuzz (which was how he described it) on their upper lip.  He doesn’t respond and I’m glad to have helped avert the crisis.

A few days later he blogs that he has asked her to go to marriage counselling because he just doesn’t know how they are going to move forward since she’s being lying to him about her looks all this time.

And unfollow.

First, it has been my experience that men want women to lie about their looks.  They want long hair swept up into messy updos that are supposedly natural and totally take longer than an actual hairstyle and a light smear of make up, but nothing so heavy they can tell it’s make-up, but until marriage, they really don’t want to see you all natural either, even in the morning.  I had a friend break up with a guy once because he insisted she refresh her make up in the morning, before he woke up.  Um, no.

They have a child that is nearly an adult.  And now, after he’s gained 40 pounds thanks to male hormone changes, he doesn’t trust his wife because; thanks to female hormone changes she shaves a bit of peach fuzz off her face and didn’t immediately tell him she was doing it?  I’m sure she’s feeling a little deflated by the formation of it and the last thing she wants to do is sit down and have a conversation about it, with anyone… even her husband.

Blah.  Humanity.


2 thoughts on “Disgrace and Ruin

  1. You’ve hit on one of my biggest gripes about current society. Women are evaluated on their appearance, much more so than men.

    Fair warning – rant follows.

    Here’s where I have to tread carefully to avoid the landmines.

    I hold both men and women accountable for the situation women find themselves in. Men for buying into expectations that women should ‘enhance’ their appearances with makeup, bras to modify their bustline, spanx, form fitting clothing which (to me) says “I am being evaluated on how much you see me as a sex object”. “The Devil Wears Prada” parodied it with the statement by the evil designer who said that a size 4 is chubby. Of course chubby now is derogatory.

    On the other side, I hold the women who play up to these societal “norms” accountable. Plastering on makeup, wearing clothes that are so tight that they restrict motion, dieting to the point of anorexia, and in general redoing their appearance to say “Hey, look at me and get aroused!”, playing the game to profit off appearance makes them witting participants. I’ve known women who expect to be seen that way (trying not to overgeneralize).

    Women receive the message that surgery to modify body parts is necessary – enlarging breasts and buttocks, injections that make lips look like they’ve been stung by a bee, or that make the face immoble, etc.

    Clothing manufacturers design for size 0. For women with body sizes greater than about 14 they don’t even try and mostly turn out stuff that looks like large bags.

    The women are being told to look like dolls rather than functional, living female humans.

    We all are receiving the message of life long goals to look like people who are about 19. Bodies change due to life and age. One asshat I knew was griping to his wife that she needed to do more sit ups because she was losing her waist and therefore her sexiness when she showed during pregnancy.

    As for men, we cannot expect to look like Adonis when we have passed 40. Biology rules – we add fat, lose muscle, need reading glasses, and all the other changes we cannot avoid. Enough of that – my mini-thesis is mainly about the roles forced on women.

    The male and female bodies are beautiful in their own ways and at all ages. We don’t need to gild the lilies or try to like we’re not. Women’s shapes change due to pregnancy, normal life experiences and time just like men’s, just in different ways.

    Maybe it’s just that I grew up in the sixties and internalized the message that social status and appearance should not be defining characteristics. Integrity and ethics are much more important.

    > WordPress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re preaching to the choir. I may put on make-up once a year and it always shocks J and he always asks “who are you trying to impress, I’m not going anywhere.” Which I can appreciate and do. The world needs more of that. Between his disinterest in my changing my appearance and the fact that he gave me my first ereader (which is basically a library) I decided to marry him.


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