That is a poorly worded title, but I can’t figure out a better one. I occasionally question the parental rights system we have in place right now. I don’t think we are. Women have options, I’m pro-choice so I’m fine with that, but men less so…
In 1995, one of the guys I ran around with was 16 and essentially his life was ruined… He started dating this girl everyone thought was super hot. He sorta thought he’d hit the jackpot. What no one knew was that the girl at 16 had baby rabies. Her older sister had just given birth to a little girl a year earlier and she made the decision she was ready to have one of her own.
Her and my friend start dating and he’s a little unsure about sex, because he had always used condoms in the past, but the girl was on birth control and claimed to be allergic to latex pointing out that meant they couldn’t use condoms… but she was on birth control, so no big deal. Until she got pregnant. My friend tried not to be an asshole about it, but he wasn’t interested in having kids at 16. He goes to one of her appointments with the obstetrician who dons latex gloves and when he points this out, the girl says it’s fine, she isn’t really allergic to latex.
Long story short, they have a kid. My friend drops out of high school and starts working on his GED so he can work and support the baby. They broke up after a year because she wanted another baby and he refused to have unprotected sex, because he didn’t trust her to stay on her birth control.
In three years, she has 3 kids and every guy says the same thing, she swore she was on birth control and they couldn’t use condoms because she was allergic to latex. The guys are stuck paying child support to this woman until the child grows up. I didn’t stay in contact with her, but she didn’t graduate high school, she dropped out to be a stay at home mom, living on child support.
If a man conned a woman that way, he’d probably go to jail, and the woman would not be forced to pay for that mistake for the rest of the child’s natural life. But somewhere along the way of trying to stop guys from being dead beat dad’s, they lost some say in the matter.
Here’s the thing, what she did was morally reprehensible, but not illegal. She is allowed to lie about being on birth control and about being allergic to latex and 16 year old guys do not have vasectomies. I’ve heard people argue that the guys should have kept it in their pants, but there were hormones involved and she was rip roaring ready to go. I don’t think even fully formed male brains would have been able to say no if she hadn’t been jail bait… do we really expect teens, who are basically sociopaths to have more self control?
This is where our social expectations go awry. We expect 16 year old females to be responsible and not want children, but biologically speaking 16 year old females are the prime age for children and the body knows this… it’s why 16 year old females are every bit as likely as 16 year old males to be sexually active. Baby impulses start during the teen years. Also from a biological stand point, the teens are the perfect age to start trying to conceive children in a female because they are mostly developed physically, hormones are surging, and they can find out early if they are even capable of reproduction. It is only our societal expectations that says teens won’t have sex (possibly because they aren’t married), which directly contradicts human biological impulses. If biology wanted us to stay abstinent into our 20s or 30s, we wouldn’t go through puberty until our 20s or 30s (I am not a fan of abstinence as the only form of birth control because I think trying to curb biological impulse using social mores is fairly difficult).
The point is, a man does not have the option to just ignore the fact he had a child, the courts can put him in prison for it. However, if a women entraps a man this way, we consider it the guy’s fault and we have the same expectations of the man as we would if he had planned to have a child with his wife and they then got divorced. And we feel sorry for the woman because the guy abandoned her and his love child. Why?
One of my friends once told me it was because the woman was stuck with the child for 18 years. But if she wanted the child in the first place and went to extraordinary lengths to get pregnant, it isn’t really punishment. And a high school girl with baby rabies is formidable. She is of an age that encourages her to think and be clever and when she turns her focus to breeding, it greatly reduces the odds of it not happening. For instance, one of my classmates once told a group of us that every time her and her boyfriend had sex, she would make sure to douche afterwards because someone had told her it would increase the chances she would get pregnant and she did. She was one of my many classmates that walked across the graduation stage obviously pregnant.
As an adult, I suffer from the same mental block as other adults, I think all teen pregnancies are unplanned. But looking back, the only ones not planning them were the guys and me… I think there were maybe a handful of females who were surprised by their pregnancies that were part of my circle. The rest were ready and willing to start pushing out babies and most were consciously trying to get pregnant for a variety of reasons, and I don’t think any of the reasons were “I love this guy and if we get pregnant he’ll marry me”. I don’t know where that myth comes from, but most of my friends were more like “oh if I get pregnant by him, we’ll have attractive kids.” And if you’ve seen the movie Dangerous Minds you’ll remember the scene where Michelle Pfeiffer is arguing with the principal about why her pregnant student has to go to a different school and how it’s ridiculous, but to some degree, that was how it worked. Once one got pregnant baby rabies spread like wildfire and suddenly there’d be six or seven of them trying to get pregnant and discussing how their kids could grow up together… maybe even get married to each other (which is absolutely insane).
Just something to think about.