I keep a note on my phone with possible blog post topics. Every time I run across an idea, I grab my phone and enter just enough information that I can look it up later if I need to research it. And if I don’t, so that I have some idea where I was going with the idea.
Sometimes, this method works wonders. Sometimes, it leaves me scratching my head.
For instance, one of my notes says: Missouri, Jesse James, and The Death Penalty. Sounds awesome, and I understand the part about Jesse James, I’m less sure I remember the part about Missouri and the Death Penalty. Yet at some point in my head, I must have had an idea that linked the three. Probably had to do with Missouri’s infatuation with the Legend of Jesse James and how it runs contrary to the natural instincts of Missourians.
However, where I was going with the thought. I know my feelings on Jesse James and Missourians, but I keep getting tripped up on the Death Penalty part of the note. This is why there have been fewer blog posts as late. I have ideas, I just don’t remember what they were.
I’m cutting down on my Lyrica (thank the Gods). From 2 or 3 to 1 a day. My new doctor says it is up to me whether I continue to take it or not because there is no proof it helps with CRPS and that larger doses just make for more side effects. But… I can eat peppers again and barbecue sauce and whatever I freaking want without it making me sick. Now, my gallbladder acts up when I eat some of these things, but that’s not my entire digestive tract. I’m going to take 1 nightly dose of 100mgs. Hopefully that will be a large enough dose to keep eating whatever I want and if it’s not, I may discuss taking 200mgs at bedtime, because sleep helps with the side effects of Lyrica.
But cutting down has some side effects too. Lyrica is one of those medications that you aren’t supposed to stop cold turkey. Even cutting down on it, like I am, runs the risk of side effects that are mental health related.
I’m hoping that it improves my ability to think like a person again. For instance, yesterday my morning dose hit pretty hard. I felt disconnected. When that happens, I’m a danger to myself. I have grabbed hot pans by the rims of them and re-positioned them on burners on my stove. Without pot holders. It left a bit of a mark for a few days. Luckily, after telling my husband that I felt disconnected yesterday he took care of food needs for both of us.
It also makes me sensitive. I cry more on Lyrica and it is a lot easier to hurt my feelings now that I’m on it. The whole sticks and stones thing doesn’t apply anymore because words can hurt me now more so than ever.
For example, I watched a video recently of a doctor talking about the problems of chronic pain patients and he was a lot of things but caring wasn’t one of them. I didn’t know whether to be angry or hurt and ended up being hurt by it. I kept reminding myself it wasn’t directly aimed at me, but I couldn’t make my brain believe it. I think what he was trying to say was that chronic pain patients are more likely to live below the poverty threshold and therefore have difficulty paying their bills but what I heard was chronic pain patients are lazy good for nothings that stiff him for the services he renders. For some reason I took that personally, probably because I make payments to 8 different medical businesses right now every month.