A Bad Week

I thought I had blog posts scheduled well into June, but I guess not.  I don’t know if I saved them as drafts or what, but I need to work on some.  However, today is probably not that day.  I’ve had a bad couple of days, high pain levels and whatever the hell the gallbladder is supposed to do, it doesn’t seem to be functioning correctly at all.  Even grilled or steamed veggies without seasoning are making me sick or causing pain in my upper abdomen.

Here are the two things I wish I could get a nickel for every time someone tells me them: eat low fat and if you keep moving the pain gets better.  For the record, my house would be paid off as would all the rest of my debt.  They are phrases I am really tired of hearing.  I don’t know how much more low fat I can get beyond cooked vegetables without any seasoning or oils.  And I have kept moving.  I still want to cut my leg off all the time.  I have to remind myself not to limp because limping makes my other leg sore and I think it makes the pain in my right hip a little worse, but my body naturally doesn’t want to put weight on the hip, so I end up limping and having to remind myself to try to walk normally.

I wish my gallbladder would just die.  My sister said hers didn’t hurt after it died and she was able to eat normally.  My father said the same thing.  Of course, when my sister’s gallbladder died it threw a gallstone into her pancreas and started her cycle of pancreatitis.  While I’m okay with it dying, I don’t want it to do that.

I am taking maximum amounts of Tylenol in a day.  I’m not eating much and I’m not sleeping much right now.  So I have been off social media for a while, waiting for some semblance of normality to return to my body so I don’t end up saying something I shouldn’t.  And I am trying to remain active, forcing myself to go to the grocery store and other places to get the things I need… Right now, I’m in desperate need of Benadryl Cream.  My backyard appears to have fleas.  Considering all the birds and the mole problem we had when we moved in, I’m not totally surprised by it.  Neither of my dogs have gotten fleas, proving that Frontline works.

I have a constant headache, partially due to allergies ’tis the season, and I think partially from lack of sleep and lack of food.  However, I already know that if I go anywhere for treatment of said headache, I’ll get told it’s opiate withdraw, same with my gallbladder.  I battle to ignore these things that are interfering with my life so completely.  I have seven more days until I meet with my new pain management doctor, it was a struggle to find someone to take my case after Dr. Wonderful told me he thought I needed to find a new doctor because there was nothing he could do for me.

Of course, that won’t be the end of the pain.  I don’t know much about the new doctor, the person that recommended him said he was a real jack ass, but also said if I could stand Dr. Wonderful and Dr. Meyer, I should be able to handle this guy.  I don’t have to travel two hours to see him, there is something to be said for that.  I am sure that since it has been 12 weeks since my last steroid injection, regardless of him having Dr. Wonderful’s notes on how much worse the injections have made me, I will be forced to endure another one.  I don’t want to do it.  Every time they break the skin at my hip, it causes a serious pain flare.  Getting Depo Provera in April, I asked the nurse to put it in the left buttock and she stuck it in the right and even though she didn’t go through the area where it hurts and/or tingles, it caused a pain flare that took me a few days to get over.

I would love to get four or five hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I am always exhausted right now.  As I type this the words have started to blur together and I have forgotten what I wrote thanks to sleep deprivation.

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