Sometimes the Lyrica makes me feel like I might be losing what few marbles I had left. In February, we started having problems with doors being locked from the inside of the room, requiring us to track down the one key that opens locked interior doors at our house. It happened on bathrooms and bedrooms and occasionally a storage closet.
None of us could figure it out. Then one night, I exited the small half master bathroom and when I turned around because I had forgotten to get my night guard, I found the door locked from the inside. Since I was the last person in there and it wasn’t locked when I used the bathroom, I realized I must have locked it behind me. I didn’t remember doing it, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t, it just meant I hadn’t realized I was doing it. This happened a few more times before I exited the bathroom one night and when my husband went to go immediately upon my exit, the door was locked.
I became aware of it and found myself constantly locking doors behind me when I left rooms. To the point that I managed to stop myself from closing them on several occasions and had to reach in and unlock the door. We can’t figure out why I compulsively lock doors, but it didn’t start until I started taking 3 Lyrica a day.
I also burn more food while cooking when taking 3 Lyrica a day. I can stand over the stupid pan and burn food I am cooking. I have never been one of those cooks that burns things on regular basis.
Now, I am missing clothing, socks, shirts, underwear… I have this terrible dread in the pit of my stomach that I have been pitching them. I know I have been pitching socks. When they come out of the dryer, if they have a hole in them, I throw them away, because my family is really good about wearing socks until they disintegrate if I just keep putting them in the drawers. However, I am slightly worried I have been doing this with shirts and underwear as well and not realizing it. Which would be odd because I don’t normally keep shirts for me that are stained up or have a hole in them.
I am down to maybe a dozen shirts. Only 4 of which are T-Shirts, which is really strange since I live in Tees. One of my LuLaRoe Irmas is missing, which is why I am wondering if I have been pitching my clothes and not realizing it. What makes me think this is that until 2 weeks ago, I hadn’t put together that the locking of doors or the burning of food was related to Lyrica. It sounds so unrealistic and ridiculous, but the truth is, at 300mgs a day, which is actually a low dose of Lyrica, I do not always feel like I am present. I don’t remember TV shows or movies I have watched. I don’t remember conversations I have had. I know Lyrica and Gabapentin are related medications, and I felt disconnected from reality on Gabapentin, I sorta have that feeling once in a while on 300mgs of Lyrica a day.
So I am scaling back down to 200mgs a day, because I believe the Lyrica is a problem at 300mgs a day for me. Especially since I seem to be missing shirts and things and I now realize that I don’t always realize I am doing the things I am doing (like locking the doors when I exit a room.. Until I started trying to pay attention to it, I never realized I was locking the door when I left the room). I still have shirts hanging in my closet, but they aren’t everyday shirts, they are dress shirts and camisoles for wearing under suits and things.
Buying clothing gets expensive. So the idea that I may have been pitching shirts without realizing I was doing it, kinda has me freaked out. And it makes me feel like I might be crazy. Not like hearing voices crazy – I do that anyway hence why I write books – but like not here and accounted for crazy. I have always been a little forgetful, but this is something new and a little scary.
It’s hard to explain your actions when you don’t remember doing them. It’s even scarier to know that you can do something and not realize it, something that has an impact on life… Like throwing away clothes. I am aware I leave words out or use the wrong words all the time. I can’t seem to conjugate verbs correctly all the time or say things like I, me, we, they, us, correctly all the time now, and my editor had a struggle with Demonic Dreams and the plethora of corrections it needed.
Unfortunately, I can’t change medications. There are only 3 for this condition; Lyrica, Gabapentin, and Cymbalta, and if I think I’m a little crazy on Lyrica, I am far worse on the others. SSRIs stop me sleeping and I will go without sleep until I have a psychotic break from reality. I know because that’s why I was using clonazepam to treat my anxiety. Gabapentin makes me weepy and suicidal and I do not feel connected to reality ever… And Lyrica has me doing these things, including possibly throwing away my clothes and not realizing it.
So I’m kinda stuck and a little worried about it. I hate the idea of needing to buy a dozen new shirts every couple of months because Lyrica messes with my brain. I am going to report the side effect to the FDA. Not because I want Lyrica pulled, but because this is not on the warnings list and I think it should be. I cannot be the only person that experiences it. And if someone else doesn’t put together that is the Lyrica (it took me 2 months), they might think they are going crazy which could lead to depression and suicide. I know I think I am going crazy and I connected the dots. It took a lot for me to realize I needed to tell my family about it. Not about the throwing away of clothes, although I am working on that too, but the fact that I do things and don’t always realize I am doing them on the Lyrica. I didn’t want to worry them but after burning bacon for like the 30th time and I mean I burnt it to a crisp, it was so burnt even the dogs weren’t sure about eating it, I decided they needed to realize that I am not always in my right state of mind on Lyrica.