Well, I do have some good news, two pieces and a piece of news that might be good, I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure.
I have gone from 0 to 21,000 words on Demonic Dreams since I found that bottle of Percocet. I’ve even managed to do some chores around my house and help my mom out, which eased my guilt substantially. So that’s my good news, I am working, writing my little fingers off on the new D&R novel. And housework to appease my guilty conscious for not being able to help my mom around the house more.
However, I have a second piece of good news. I used my new shower for the first time last night! Oh my god! It was heaven! It has plenty of room for me to move around in, which is great because the tub/shower can sometimes be restrictive and cause problems. The rain head is amazing. All the settings on my faucet were amazing. I felt cleaner after my shower last night than I have in months because I could move around in the shower and do things like shave under my arms without worrying about turning and hitting the tub wall, which honestly is breathtakingly painful. When I do things like that, my shower instantly ends and I get out and sit on the toilet and cry until I feel I can get weight back on that hip. I spend a lot of time crying in pain actually. I think I’ve shed more pain tears in the last 9 months than I have in the entire 36 years leading up to it and I have done some painful things to my body because I am clumsy.
My I’m not sure if it’s good news yet or not is that I got in with the specialist I was hoping to get in with, I have an appointment for 9:30 tomorrow morning. He was actually recommended to me by other CRPS patients. They say he understands alternative therapies are great, but they aren’t the end all be all and sometimes at the end of the day, they’ve worn off quicker than they should have and he makes sure that if they want to work, they can.
One of his patient’s is the secretary at my husband’s work. She has CRPS in her neck. She also works full time despite being partially paralyzed from the CRPS. Which is a big part of the reason our insurance premiums are so incredibly high. It’s a small work place, probably less than 100 people on the group plan and 2 of us have CRPS, the odds of that seem staggering, since it is a rare neurological disorder.
She highly recommended this doctor. She says he helps her meet all her goals and said that she had injections once that wore off in less than a week and he didn’t make a big fuss about it, which is common in CRPS, just like the injections wore off in 4 days when I had them in my hip in July. Despite the quickness of the injections wearing off, she didn’t miss a single day of work because he hadn’t cut back her prescription of pain medications simply because he was doing injections. She as well as the nurse at my doctor’s office believes that he might have CRPS.
The bright spot was when they called me to make the appointment, they wanted a list of every place I had CRPS or thought I might have it. The lady that scheduled my appointment kind of laughed when I gave her the list and said he usually focuses on one affected part at a time, so pick my worse one, which is my hip at the moment. She even asked it I had swelling or discoloration anywhere. Those are questions that the quack I saw at the beginning of the month who was supposed to be an expert on CRPS didn’t ask. I do if anyone cares. It’s not all the time, but sometimes my hip and thigh become mottled red and white. The swelling in my hip and thigh on the right side seems to be permanent. It doesn’t respond to steroid or NSAID injections anymore. It did respond to NSAID injections the first week I had it, but not since then.
However, I’m not getting my hopes up. I can not handle walking out of another doctor’s office this month and feeling like I’ve been sucker punched because the doctor did nothing to help me and didn’t even seem to know or understand what I was talking about.
Back to writing. I’m hoping to be at least a quarter of the way done by the end of today because I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring for me. Wish me luck! And if you believe in a god, any god, or a pantheon of gods, please send up a prayer for me that this is the right doctor.