Broke The Rules

It has been so long since I have written and really written anything and my brain has even engaged in a Dreams and Reality novel that I broke the rules last night.  And I paid dearly for it.

I wrote 7,000 words yesterday morning.  I wrote another 1,500 between 10 pm and 2 am.  And then I went to bed.  Now, I know the books themselves aren’t that scary, but my brain goes well beyond the books because to me these are not just fictional characters they exist in my brain.

And my sleeping brain can create some very scary scenarios.  Especially since I find Raphael scary.  I don’t dream of Aislinn Cain or Gabriel Henders or Malachi Blake because in my brain they are already 100% fleshed out.  I only ever dream about my serial killers, things they might do, things they could have done, things they probably shouldn’t do, them kicking down my door at 2 am to attack my family because someone fits their victim profile or because they are angry with me, their creator.

The scary part of Raphael is the duality of the character.  I, his creator, feel sorry for him.  I don’t want him to be likeable exactly, but I want his rage to be understandable. Not just his rage with Gabriel but with the entire world.  He’s also out of his fictional skull.  I occasionally find the crazy ones are the hardest for me to write, because I have to think like them which disturbs some part of my brain that isn’t a serial killer or crazy.

In other words, Raphael plagued my dreams last night, if you can even consider them dreams.  I awoke feeling exhausted and haunted by some of the things my brain came up with last night for Raphael.

However, it has been nine months of my midnight reminder alarm going off and me instantly silencing it.  So I kinda forgot why it existed in the first place.  The dream I remember most vividly was Raphael breaking into my house.  Lola attacked him and the serial killer attacked her back.  Not with weapons, like most of my killers, but with his teeth.  He was ripping bits of her off while trying to fend off her longer and just as dangerous teeth.  My poor Lola baby.

I do believe this is why my characters are sometimes so realistic that some readers can’t handle them.  I’ve had reviewers and readers contact me about the violence in my books.  I get it.  They definitely are not for everyone and I’ve had readers tell me they couldn’t sleep after reading this killer’s first chapter or his seventh or after this particular scene.  Skinned from Elysium Dreams is no longer my most violent or demanding chapter.  That award goes to a chapter in Fortified Dreams…  I get comments about both chapters though.

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