I don’t know if my nurse practitioner is incompetent, unable to see the association in word choices, is now holding my pain management hostage, or if I am just overly sensitive to word choices because I’m a writer.
Today, while she was scolding me about something she swears she didn’t say, she interrupted herself to tell me she never scolds me.
My mother was less than impressed by the visit today, even if she did agree to give me an unspecified amount of Percocet at the end of January.
She kept repeating that I needed to rely on something other than pain medicine for my pain, but offered no alternatives except Voltaren gel, which I am using with limited success. It doesn’t do much for pain, but seems to help with swelling and hypersensitivity and lidocaine patches. Which also helps with skin hypersensitivity but not the actual pain.
For several minutes she seemed to think I wanted dilaudid, which I absolutely don’t, not even in the ER. It always gives me a headache. However, I hadn’t even asked about changing my meds at that point.
Which was slightly intimidating because here she was explaining why I couldn’t have dilaudid and why I needed to rely less on pain meds and I was about to ask her to move me off Vicodin and onto Percocet which provides longer relief times for me.
Then, much like her comments on dilaudid , she just randomly tossed out that she didn’t think my ER visits were doctor shopping. What the hell?! And how she was doing me a favor by letting the pharmacy fill whatever prescriptions the ER were giving me.
Well, that took a sinister turn. Doctor Shopping is code for drug seeking.
Now this women didn’t offer me injections in my hands and got mad at me for following ER directions and calling my doctor directly to see if he even did hand injections or if he wanted me to find a different specialist.
Because they thought it was strange that even though her and I discussed my hand pain gets worse during the winter, she didn’t try to do preventative injections and even though I spoke to her on the 20th she did not prescribe me Lidocaine patches nor did she listen to me when I tried to explain the ER told me to call and ask for an early refill of Percocet because the Vicodin isn’t working.
She also kept pointing out I wasn’t her only patient and that they weren’t an urgent care facility… and she couldn’t spend several hours a month on the phone with me… I couldn’t get her to return a phone call until I pissed her off and then she seemed to miss the point of the call, so I took the ER’s advice again and called my doctor and circumnavigated around her which made her mad… so what I took from that repeated lecture was that I wasn’t supposed to call her for any reason. Okie dokie then.
But that doctor shopping comment struck a nerve… now I’m afraid to take my pain management somewhere else because I’m fairly certain she will mark it as doctor shopping.
And it bugs me that she swears she didn’t say I couldn’t have the lidocaine patches but didn’t prescribe them… it seems like her swearing is belied a bit by her actions there.
And the doctor and nurse practitioner I saw on the 23rd were confused by the lack of injection offering, before it got to “I took an Advil I was in so much pain.” Stage knowing it would possibly make me sick.
Here are the rules as I understand them: I can’t call and ask for anything if it isn’t at my appointment even if I have had to go to the ER and they specifically tell me to call in and do that. I have to find alternative sources of pain relief beyond pain meds and injections, which I seem to be required to beg for. I should expect her to scold me like a spoiled 5 year old when I go in and I’m supposed to just deal with it. She will say something and then deny it later. And I took her random doctor shopping comment as a threat that if I continue to not play by her rules, she will list me as drug seeking, which is amazingly awesome. Also, Finally, I have to learn to live with pain that makes me feel like I have been run over by a semi so I should get used to feeling like road kill, which leaves me wondering why we are even bothering to treat my pain at all?
I took my mother to the appointment thinking I really was being paranoid, but my mother left just as baffled as I did and concerned about my future. My mother also asked why I was paying for appointments where I was basically doing her job… good question and I don’t have an answer.
So I am going to my primary care physician to see if he can make sense of the rules and I’m taking my mother who witnessed the events of today.
This is why I don’t sleep on nights I have an appointment with her…