English Is No Longer My First Language


I stopped by a craft store last night for some last minute DIY gifts.  I do in fact have a few skills beyond writing books.  Not many, but a few.  I had a coupon.  I started checking out with my husband next to me.

The woman was going through the fact that the most expensive item in my cart was already 30% off and that I could use my coupon on another item if I wanted.  Only, as she talked, I wasn’t getting what she was saying.  I had just 3 items, a Christmas tin that was on clearance, a box of washable finger paints, and a block of wax for making paw wax and soaking my still swollen hand.  The wax was the most expensive item.  I had expected the total to be about $17 plus tax.

My husband was watching the exchange and realized I wasn’t comprehending what the woman was telling me.  My coupon was for 40% off and the wax was already 30% off.  I could have used the 40% off on the finger paints.  But I wasn’t getting it.  My husband tried to jump in and explain what we wanted done because I was confused and he could tell, but the woman completely ignored him.  We figured it up and using the coupon on the finger paints would have saved us more than using the coupon on the wax, since there was only a 10% difference in the coupon price and the sale price.

Moments like these illustrate my frustration with Lyrica.  It’s like English is a foreign language to me sometimes.  I get easily confused, especially when people talk fast and if there are numbers involved, I have a harder time keeping track of it and I can no longer figure it in my head.

When we got to the car, I realized what had happened.  I only saved an extra $1.40 on the wax by using the coupon, but I could have saved $3.94 on the finger paints, which more than makes up for the $1.40 in savings I would have lost by using the sale price and using the coupon on the finger paints.

I feel like a moron when this happens and they are becoming, not more frequent exactly, but more frustrating because I know they are happening and I can’t stop them.  I feel like I need a giant sign that says “My medication makes me an idiot, talk slowly to me.”  It’s especially annoying when someone like my husband tries to help me, but the cashier or whoever won’t let him by ignoring him.  He knows I have those moments and need help, he can also tell by watching me if I am fuzzy on the concept.

Today he installed an electric fence with his father to try and break our escape artist dog – Kelly – from getting out of the fenced in backyard.  He asked me to read the instructions and let him know what he needed to do after it was all installed to calibrate the collar.  It might as well have been written in whatever language Predators speak because I wasn’t getting them.  Even after reading and then rereading and trying to focus on each step individually and moving at my own pace on them.  Nope, still didn’t get it.  Might as well have handed it to Kelly to read and explain.

It works, I tested it by accidentally touching the prongs while getting it close to the buried fence.  If she’s as smart as I think she is, she’ll have it figured out within a few days that she can no longer escape the yard without getting  a mild shock.  I feel bad that we are shocking her for escaping the yard.  I really do, but we live next to a county highway and she has nearly gotten hit by a car once because she got out and ran across the road to an empty field.  I can’t handle deceased dog right now.  It is an ASPCA approved electric fencing, so that makes me feel mildly better and please don’t tell me horror stories about them or send me hate mail over it… My brain can’t handle it  I feel guilty enough.  It took me two months to agree to this and I only agreed because all other methods of getting her to stop weren’t working.  We began staking the fence to the ground and landscaping timbers and she tunnels under them…. so something has to be done before she accidentally gets killed.

3 thoughts on “English Is No Longer My First Language

  1. I was on Topamax for years. My. GP calls it dopamax because it makes you stupid. Unfortunately you are too stupid to realize it. Now that I’ve been off for a few years I can see the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

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