My Favorite Conspiracy Theory


I’m not a huge fan of conspiracy theories.  I know conspiracies really do happen.  However, once you go down one conspiracy rabbit hole, they all look like conspiracy rabbit holes and it can lead to some pretty dark places.

And once you buy into a few, everything begins to look like a conspiracy.  However, I was introduced to a knew one recently that made me smile.

For those that don’t know, I loosely based Patterson off of Zodiac.  They don’t share a method of killing, but Patterson is how I think Zodiac would look today, with the exception of being shorter than the descriptions of Zodiac.  Plus, Patterson is flexible in how he kills, why he kills, and his victim preferences, like Zodiac.

Zodiac was an NSA code breaker (which would actually fit) and was hired to kill JFK, that’s why he wasn’t caught.  Those on high didn’t want him caught because they were afraid he would spill the beans over JFK’s assassination.  And since then, he has been in hiding.

It’s an interesting theory, but it has some holes in it, like how an NSA code breaker became decent enough with a sniper’s rifle to kill the President without being seen.  The theory hinges on the idea that Johnson and Congress had JFK killed because he refused to launch nuclear missiles at the Soviet union and Cuba after the Bay of Pigs debacle… I’d call it an invasion, but that makes it sound more organized than it was, which is why our elite operatives were captured and killed.

The other problem I have with conspiracies is that they require a lot of people to keep a secret.  I don’t know about anybody else, but sometimes, I have trouble not telling my best friend what I got her for a present.  I sent her a Christmas present this year that I am nervous she isn’t going to like.  It arrives today, so the suspense will end and I’ll know… It’s something I would use and I liked it.  So I think she will, but the not knowing for sure is just murder.  She got me awesome Bigfoot pajamas and non slip skunk socks… which she had trouble keeping a secret from me.  Then when I opened it and got a strange look, she thought I hated it.  But the truth was I was just surprised they were Skunk socks and not armadillo non-slip socks, because that is a running joke and has been since I wrote The Dysfunctional Honeymoon and made Nadine Daniels afraid of armadillos.

People involved in conspiracies have to be really good at keeping secrets.  They can’t get drunk at parties.  They can’t take opiates.  They can’t want to tell their wives or bestie or a coworker that annoys the snot out of them, just to scare them away…

Which for the record is how the American Public found out about the MK Ultra experiments, someone got drunk at a party.  It ruined a lot of lives, I mean a lot of lives and the people involved were just keeping their mouths shut until one of them got drunk at a party and blabbed.  And while I believe people are really good at covering up things that negatively impact them personally and will lie to keep the secret, I think generally, people just aren’t good secret keepers.

Now, if Zodiac is still alive and he wants to mess with everybody, he’d send a Cipher to History Channel while they are airing the latest documentary on him The Hunt for the Zodiac.  Because that’s what he does.

Where was I with this post before I got distracted by awesome skunk socks?  Oh yes, Zodiac killed JFK and the government is hiding him to protect the secret.  It’s a fun theory, but it suffers from some problems, like this guy would be the modern day equivalent of The Man in the Iron Mask types of problems.  The wind just knocked over one of our outdoor trash cans, I’m working in the garage, and it made me jump about six feet into the air, not because of Zodiac, but because Conspiracy theories in general can be scary and I find the history behind the Man in the Iron Mask to be creepy as hell.  See, I do have a small startle reflex…  Most people think I don’t based on the books I write, but I do.

Okay, so this post has become seriously derailed by socks and secrets and trash cans being knocked over by the wind… So I’ll end it.  But this is a good visual aid as to how my mind works differently on Lyrica.  I’ve always been mildly distractible, but never this bad until now.  Which is why I continue to write slowly and torture my editor by sending her a chapter or half a chapter at a time to make sure I know what I’m still talking about.  Now, Lyrica could be a  mind control drug.

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