Afford to Live

My husband and I have been fighting a lot more than normal.  It’s because my health insurance premium has skyrocketed this year.  Even though we are both moderately successful 30-somethings, we cannot afford for me to have health insurance.

I don’t know that this means for me or us.  I think he’s considering divorce – we didn’t even make it a year – I can’t work and treat the CRPS at this time and now, I can’t afford to treat the CRPS with or without health insurance… So I am literally fucked.


I looked into insurance for just me, but since Trump announced the government would not be offering insurance companies subsidies for lower premiums, I only have 2 options $103 a month with a $10,000 deductible and $50,000 out of pocket or $1,200 a month with a $2,500 deductible and $10,000 out of pocket.

If the next step passes and the provision for insurance for small businesses passes, I’ll go bankrupt, because everything I have is a pre-existing condition… which means nothing will be covered.

Sadly, I literally cannot afford to be alive. I make too much to get disability or Medicaid in my state, which would help, but I have serious issues working in an office – fluorescents trigger migraines in me.  Plus, I can’t focus, concentrate, deal with stress, stand very long, walk very far… Who the fuck would hire me when they know I can’t do any of these things?

Good lord, what the fuck are people supposed to do?

4 thoughts on “Afford to Live

  1. Go public! You are a great writer!!! So, do what comes natural and start writing about your—and a few million other people’s problem with affordable health care. I work with people who still think the Strumpet does a great job. That is until they realize he just did something that hurts them. But even then they usually cannot bring themselves to admit how they shot themselves in both feet when electing the dolt. Clearly, there is something seriously wrong with the American mindset. But never mind about that. People are so afraid of being labeled socialist, that they rather watch people suffer from lack of health care or hate crimes than speaking out against that senile, sexist, racist hater.
    The problem is that they don’t even know what socialism is. Too afraid and ignorant to educate themselves. DUH, if you have Medicare/Medicaid, workman’s comp, or SOCIAL Security—you have socialism. It’s easy to condemn this if you don’t need it. But remember Sinclair’s The Jungle? Another socialist endeavor because the government eventually had to step in and start overseeing the industry. And no, the capitalist elite was not happy to have their exploitative and cruel methods bandied about in public. Still, we now have a fairly safe food supply because of all that bad press.
    A sad thing is, financially and especially health care wise it might be best if you get divorced and go on disability so that you get Medicaid coverage, which will give you at least a minimum of coverage. That also lets you write full time—or whatever time you can allot to that. Sadly, the personal is political.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hadena,
    We have written before and you know a lot about me, you’d know even more if you read what I have written. I saw and still see the damage Obama care brought and it’s phony promise. I support and Trust The Current President far more then I have any since Regan

    I have said before that life has hard choices and even harder cliffs to climb. Only to be knock to the bottom and struggle to find the core that says get your ass up and start climbing again. I have said it’s ok to take a break and gather yourself but giving up isn’t the answer..

    Financial issues especially due to medical bills can strain ANY RELATIONSHIP Parents, Spouse or Child. The vows were in sickness and in health and he’s seen you thru much just not this kind of hard slap in the face. It’s important to talk and understand your fears and your hopes Don’t drive a wedge while throwing a pity party. I highly recommend a large supply of cracked glassware and pottery and a plywood box to be able to stand back and let fly and put all your anger and grief into that throw and listen to the shatter, it’s better to shatter a 10 cent cracked plate then a 5 yr relationship.

    Talk to your insurance company, most have specialty nurses that help you deal with diagnosis that are life altering, I have been talking to my Breast Cancer Nurse since Feb of 2016. Not planning on stopping soon either with a new lump found. She can help you find programs that may supplement, cover meds and just help you deal. There is hope and you need to understand there are a ton of us pulling for you. Don’t count yourself out of medicare or medicaid or disability, because you may find a crack that you can fit in you didn’t see before.

    I struggled for years to become a Nurse, and had it ripped away, I still deal with things. I know you can too. You haven’t gotten all the info and there may be grants or studies being done that can help. Obama care was failing anyway, Trump didn’t cause the failure. While half of our leaders refuse to help unless you donate to them that is not why they are there. Their job is to listen and SERVE the People. It will take time but single payer and Pot are not the magic cures, just more problems.

    I will see what I can find on these things and maybe able to give advice later that is useful on the how to afford Living.. Because YOUR LIVING MEAN MORE THEN YOU GIVING IN TO FAILURE… I know that dark rabbit hole and avoid it every chance I can.Sometimes it takes something like a legal separation so that his finances are separate to scoot under the I make too much bar. Maybe some things may need to be in his name with a agreement they are not his permanently, so you don’t loose everything, or maybe setting things up with a parent or sibling that can be trusted and step back and say I can’t handle this part of life. I am about to inherit 75,000 and I will have to put it in my son’s name as administrator so I can still get the disability I paid into since I was 16. I can’t finance MS and Breast Cancer without it. Using the money for my medical bills doesn’t repair the home I live in and that is a major MUST DO.
    Tears will fall, there will be days you say I CAN’T, just remember the saying.. I Can’t is Dead Cause I Killed Him and find your core listen to Helen Reddy ‘I am Woman’ a hundred times if you need to..But remember you can bend but never break me cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal. That song has allowed me to pick myself up dust off and look for a hand hold and start up the cliff again.
    Love and Prayers H. you’ll make it. I have Faith in you.

    Liked by 1 person

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