Remembering To Breathe

Buying a house and moving has got me so stressed out there are times I actually have to remind myself to breathe.  I know, that sounds strange, but I have an anxiety disorder and even medicated, I do not handle stress well.  Any changes to my everyday can put me in a serious tailspin, even if they are good changes.

I’m entering week two of having indigestion all the time.  I’m living on Zantac and still suffering from stomach upset all the time.  I get a serious tension headache every night.  I’m not sleeping through the night.  I wake up at every sound despite taking my clonazepam and my Flexeril… Speaking of which, despite the flexeril (a muscle relaxer I take for teeth grinding), I keep breaking my teeth even wearing a night guard.  And I wake up feeling like I have been beaten up in my sleep every night.

I have 9 new or worse chipped teeth than I had two weeks ago.  My jaws hurt from the grinding.  It feels like I have lockjaw in the mornings and my jaw pops when I open my mouth for the first time.

I’m having trouble concentrating.  By the time I get to sit down and write, the tension headache has begun throbbing.

I’ve even taken to chewing my lower lip and it is starting to get sore.  In some ways, I feel like I am losing it.  I have ideas for Demonic Dreams but I can’t seem to concentrate long enough to get them down.  I’ve gotten to the point that I am making notes on my phone all the time so I remember them later.

I will be so glad when it is over.  Maybe then I won’t have to remind myself to breathe.

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