Recently, someone my husband and I know pointed out we’d been married almost six months and I wasn’t getting any younger, so we needed to hurry up with the baby making. When I expressed my horror at the idea, they told me it would be different if it was my own.
No, it probably wouldn’t. I can deal with Lola’s vomit, but I don’t clean up her poop and if Jude poops, I try to sneak out of the room before the diaper gets changed. And it’s not just bodily functions… I was sitting at the chiropractor’s office today when a family came out (mom, dad, 2 young girls) and one of the girls was whining about having to walk the 15 steps out to the car in the heat. So her mother was trying to get her to hop or skip…
In the minute it took them to leave, I felt myself getting irritated with both the mother and the little girl. I don’t know what the solution was, but the little girl’s excessively whiny voice was like dagger’s to my central nervous system. My eye started to twitch, I had to fight a sneer and I think I failed, and yeah. I don’t actually like children all that much.
I love Jude, but when he is fussy, I want nothing more than to leave. Why risk having my own children and it not being different? I would make a terrible parent. I’m good for like an hour at a time, as long as they aren’t whining, fussing, or being irritating.
Thankfully, my husband chimed up that he didn’t want children either. Discussion closed. It reminded me that when a man says he doesn’t want children, no one thinks anything about it, but when a woman does, it’s a huge problem for everyone.