The Adult Tantrum

Nothing is more chilling than the Adult Tantrum.  Or embarrassing if it happens in public.  Most of the people in my life are pretty good at avoiding it, but every once in awhile, one will have a meltdown.  It can happen anywhere without warning and sometimes without provocation.

Last week, someone in my life had an adult tantrum.  It was loud. messy, and full of words I won’t repeat.  It reminded me to be nice to customer service agents.  After all, it isn’t their fault when something glitches in a system.

Even the subdued tantrum can leave a mark on those around the tantrum thrower.  It’s amazing how it works.  For example, my doctor put me on a shit ton of gabapentin for my leg pain until I can get in and get nerve blocker injections again.  I’m taking 900mgs a day and it’s spread out a little.  I find if I take 300mgs during the day and 600mgs at night, the pain is better controlled than if I do all 900mgs at night.

But that 300mgs leaves me a little off.  I feel disconnected and flaky for about 2 hours or so – gabapentin does not have a sedation effect on me at this dosage, but it sure makes me sleepy when I take 600mgs.  I had hoped to get by with less of the gabapentin, but I can’t.  Dart league has a charity tournament coming up.  I have to run it and that’s fine.  I never complain about running a tournament for charity.

However, the chairs are just as hard on me as the physical activity.  So, I decided to bring my own chair.  Seems like a great idea.  I warned my help about the side effects of the gabapentin and she said no problem, we’ll work through it together.  Great.  It will go off without a hitch…  But my husband doesn’t always understand.

And I get it.  Until I started dealing with nerve pain, I would never have imagined that someone could walk 30 feet and suddenly start to feel like their legs are being broken.  However, when I told him I couldn’t get injections until the 24th (2 days after the charity tournament I’m running) he was less than thrilled.

He had a subdued tantrum; a little eye rolling, a snide comment, and a refusal to make eye contact with me for a few minutes.  Then he acted like he was mad for about 30 minutes.  Normally, I would have brushed it off.  This time it bothered me.  I wanted to say a few snippy things back, but I knew that wouldn’t go over well.  I hate that my body betrayed me and let this happen.  Sometimes, it causes depression and not just when I’m in pain.  There is absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent it.

That subdued tantrum made me feel like I was a bad person.  As if I had done something wrong.  It was actually worse than the full tantrum I had witnessed earlier in the week.

It’s astounding that such a little thing can make someone else feel awful.  But it does.  Just something to keep in mind.

4 thoughts on “The Adult Tantrum

  1. Hadena, I completely understand. I have 5 autoimmune diseases, 4 of them affect my nerve endings. I used to be able to take Gabapenton or Lyrica, but after heart failure caused by methotrexate damaging my lungs, I can’t take either, because they cause massive fluid retention. Thank goodness my husband has been here since the beginning. He knew me when I was healthy and able to run a 5k. And he was the one who took me to the hospital the day my world changed forever. If you ever need someone to talk to, get in touch with me. I’m a pretty good listener, and I’ve been there done that. Good luck with the sitting, I know how bad that can be, just make sure you get up every little bit so you don’t get stuck in that position.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have to do some moving around or sitting causes me just as much pain as moving around. I think what bothers me the most is that it’s hard to explain it, so I can’t make people understand what I feel. Everyone thinks nerve pain is just pins and needles sensation, but I have a crushing ache that makes me feel like my legs are breaking. And people tell me it can’t be that bad, I’m still up and walking. But it is that bad. I just have to keep going. I don’t always have the option of resting.


  2. I empathize. I am on 900 mg of Gabapentin 3x/day. Yes, I take 2700 mg/day. Between the fibromyalgia, trigeminal neuralgia and daily headaches, I need it. And would you believe I can be fully functional on it and work a full-time corporate gig? Of course, there are days my cane is my best friend and weekends where nothing gets done. Chronic illness, esp. ones not visible to the naked eye, are tough. I’ve been married for almost 28 years, and he is incredibly thoughtful. But it can take a while for that level of acceptance to occur. Keep open lines of communication and make sure he goes to the doctor with you — that ensures someone else hears what the doctor says and helps him understand the severity of the medical issues. Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I also empathize with you. I take 700 mg gabapentin and 75mg lyrica for the pain in my legs. I also take topomax, another nerve pill as well. But on the outside I look fine .People don’t understand if they can’t physically see a problem. I put a brave face on everyday . I still have horrible leg cramps sometimes at night. I have
    Peripheral neuropathy which is usually a diabetic disease. But I’m thankful I
    am not a diabetic. Good luck. I love your books by the way!


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