Nothing is more chilling than the Adult Tantrum. Or embarrassing if it happens in public. Most of the people in my life are pretty good at avoiding it, but every once in awhile, one will have a meltdown. It can happen anywhere without warning and sometimes without provocation.
Last week, someone in my life had an adult tantrum. It was loud. messy, and full of words I won’t repeat. It reminded me to be nice to customer service agents. After all, it isn’t their fault when something glitches in a system.
Even the subdued tantrum can leave a mark on those around the tantrum thrower. It’s amazing how it works. For example, my doctor put me on a shit ton of gabapentin for my leg pain until I can get in and get nerve blocker injections again. I’m taking 900mgs a day and it’s spread out a little. I find if I take 300mgs during the day and 600mgs at night, the pain is better controlled than if I do all 900mgs at night.
But that 300mgs leaves me a little off. I feel disconnected and flaky for about 2 hours or so – gabapentin does not have a sedation effect on me at this dosage, but it sure makes me sleepy when I take 600mgs. I had hoped to get by with less of the gabapentin, but I can’t. Dart league has a charity tournament coming up. I have to run it and that’s fine. I never complain about running a tournament for charity.
However, the chairs are just as hard on me as the physical activity. So, I decided to bring my own chair. Seems like a great idea. I warned my help about the side effects of the gabapentin and she said no problem, we’ll work through it together. Great. It will go off without a hitch… But my husband doesn’t always understand.
And I get it. Until I started dealing with nerve pain, I would never have imagined that someone could walk 30 feet and suddenly start to feel like their legs are being broken. However, when I told him I couldn’t get injections until the 24th (2 days after the charity tournament I’m running) he was less than thrilled.
He had a subdued tantrum; a little eye rolling, a snide comment, and a refusal to make eye contact with me for a few minutes. Then he acted like he was mad for about 30 minutes. Normally, I would have brushed it off. This time it bothered me. I wanted to say a few snippy things back, but I knew that wouldn’t go over well. I hate that my body betrayed me and let this happen. Sometimes, it causes depression and not just when I’m in pain. There is absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent it.
That subdued tantrum made me feel like I was a bad person. As if I had done something wrong. It was actually worse than the full tantrum I had witnessed earlier in the week.
It’s astounding that such a little thing can make someone else feel awful. But it does. Just something to keep in mind.